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Friday, January 4th, 2008
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5:06 pm - WHY
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why haven't I got any fucking willpower, this is actually doing my head in so much. Every morning I wake up and say right I'm not eating bla bla bla.
Then I'll be doing well, like yesterday for example, then I went and ate a portion of chips, and I werent even that hungry?! Since about June, i've told myself <u>atleast</u> three times a day, "don't eat that", "don't eat today" etc. It's doing my head in. The more I think about not eating, the more likely it is that I end up fucking eating, even when I'm not hungry.
My will power is complete shit.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Adam and the Ants
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
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6:05 pm
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today hasnt been too bad.
tiny bowl of cereal with semi skimmed milk. 120 cals?
4 crackers with little bit of philedelphia light- 150 cals
half a packet of crisps - 45 cals
kelogs snack things - 98 cals
ate jacket potato with philidelphia for dinner. but just purged it.
i know i didnt get all of it up but most of it.
first time ive purged mainly successfully. i dont want to get into a habit of it, but it did make me feel so much cleaner.
im going on ajog and walk soon. and im doing sit ups every like 10 minutes.
once ive come off my fucking period ill be able to see how much i really weigh.. im so bloated argh.
think thin !
x
current mood:  mellow
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 17th, 2007
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4:47 pm
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today i had about 250 cals maybe.. was going well
got home and ate egg friend rice with fucking prawns
which is about 400
oh my god how annoying?! and now i weigh more but i think its due to bloating as im on my period. GREAT.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 16th, 2007
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11:28 pm - oh my
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this weekend has been dredf ul even though ive been excerising all through the week grr.
yesterday morning ate a little breakfast went joggng at 9am come home
weighed 8st9. about 121 lbs (i think) so i was happy. well not really but id lost a pound
then went out shopping ate FISH AND CHIPS :( probably about 1000 cals
and a tin of pineaple 116 cals
then today we had bbq i had big bowl of cereal for breakfast, then ive had about 4 mini doughnuts andd 3 shortbread cookies, a pieceof chicken 6 prawn thigs covered in breadcrumbs a bacon roll and just a roll by itsself :(
thats it tomorrow im just eating breakfast and salad for dinnner
im letting my fat ugly body starve all through school i deserve the pain
for fuck sake i want to die right now.
why cant i just be fucking thin
current mood: pissed off
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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5:59 pm - AHHHH
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I must stop eating stupid fucking mars ice creams
but theyre just soo good :(
also I really need somebody my age is 15-17 to text during the day to keep me focused
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
going so bad
ah well im going for a 2+ mile jog at 7 with my fat friend haha thatll be thinspo.
should make me relaxed wont need food
just water and fags :)
current mood: pissed off
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, August 10th, 2007
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7:43 pm - TEMPTATION
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Today I have had a
tiny bowl of cereal im not sure how many calories that would of been im assuming about 100
1 cupasoup 160 cals
egg friend rice 432 cals
plus some prawns mixed in im nto sure how many that would of been but all togehter coz my family had curry when i had rice and i had a popadom in some sauce and licked some of the sauce before washing up the pan
i reacon ive only had 1000 cals at the most
im so unbelievably tempted to get some cake out of the cupboard
but im thinking if i can not eat till tomorrow morning, then i can skip dinner definately tomorrow coz im going out, and skip lunch, then thatll be better.
thing is i think im drinking tomorrow night, so i might just not drink or not eat anything tomorrow other than some celery or something.
I'm not sure.
Oh well aslong as i eat nothing tonight i will feel like i actually have some willpower.
current mood:  confused
current music: Nout
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(comment on this)
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10:02 am - This is
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never ever going to work
why have I got to be so fucking fat and like food to much.
ive laready had breakfast, sum oatabix with a little bit of milk, but that was the tiny bowl of cereal ever.
i'll skip lunch, but i've still got rice for dinner.
oh no.
i suppose i'm eating less than i normally do though so hopefully i'll still be losing weight in the long run then will eventually i'll just practically stop eating.
i don;t knwo what im going to do on holiday, when ive got to eat big dinners every night.
I suppose I could just order small meals, and try and get out of breakfast and lunch
current mood:  annoyed
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 9th, 2007
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1:29 pm - Feeling
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quite unusual at the moment and yet fat aswell, ive eaten a bowel of cereal and greasy egg on toast with a fairly large amount of butter.
I dont know what I want
The only thing i do know, is that i have been feeling the need to be skinny lately.
I don't want to be too thin like some of the thinspo pictures you see and the people just look hollow in thier face.
But I just want to be thin enough
Problem is I have tried dieting so many times, and we have no healthy food basically in the house.
When I go downstairs to look in the cupboards it just makes me feel sick all the cake and biscuits etc.
But I enjoy eating, I love it, and I don't know what to do.
If I diet, mayne less than a thousand calories a day, I'm either going to get hungry, even though i wasnt yesterday and i only had about 300-400 calories, but then i went out and drank a bottle of wine, some beer and some vodka.
I think this is the cause of me putting on weight, but I just enjoy getting drunk.
I can;t diet and stay on a low calory diet if im just going to go out binge drinking afterwards.
I would feel no sense of acheivment because I know i may aswell of just been eating fat disgusting foods anyway,
Oh I really don't know
current mood: pissed off
current music: Nothing
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(comment on this)
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